Awesomeness

Our Christmas Adventure in the ER

Okay, so here's the low down on what happened to me yesterday.  At some point during the early morning hours, in which I was laying in bed in a half-sleep because of insomnia based issues (so not really getting rest) I started getting chest pains.  This isn't something new per se, I've gotten chest pains since my late teens but usually it's one or two "stabs" and a possible ache for a bit then it's gone.  This time it continued for about a min. and while I was mildly concerned I wasn't overly so.


Fast forward to Christmas morning/afternoon around 3:00, and I get the same pains but this time my left arm starts to feel numb and weird.  The pains stopped after about a minute but the arm numbness continued for hours.  I could feel my heart beating too fast, and when I'd get up I'd get a head-rush and get dizzy.  I also started feeling nauseous about 20 mins after the pains had stopped.  I called the nurse hotline and they recommended I go right in.


Now, let me also add that the one time I ever went in for my chest pains in the past I had a doctor listen to my heart and proceed to tell me I have a heart murmur.  She told me it was nothing, but there was never any follow up done.  I have a tendency to get mad at doctors when they shrug me off so I tend not to go in very often.  Anyway, when you add that and the fact that my family has a history of heart disease, high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes and issues with abnormal blood clotting... we figured it was better to be safe. Oh, and I've always had issues with "head-rushes", dizziness, loss of vision (sometimes just from standing up at a normal pace), bad circulation in my hands and feet, stuff like that.


So, St. Anthony's in Gig Harbor is stellar.  Seriously the best hospital in the area, at least where the ER is concerned.  We love them.  They took me right in got me all hooked up, ran an EKG, which was super interesting because they had to give me anti-arrhythmics to essentially "reset" my heart.  It was beating around 140 while I was doing nothing more than laying in a bed breathing slowly (it was running hot, a normal resting heart rate being around 60).  They had to do this twice because the first time dose was not enough, they had to increase it to get a proper read out.  My body just didn't want to slow down.  It went right back up.  So then they have me beta blockers which block the impulses that are telling the heart it needs to go fast.  Those worked at first but after an hour I was sitting back up around 90.  They gave me an oral dose that would last longer, and still even after all was said and done and we'd been cleared I still had to really focus on my breathing to keep me below 100.


By the way, those first meds, holy crap was that a weird feeling.  The pharmacist, who was a absolute doll, grabbed my read out and went over it with me showing me where, in his words, I'd almost flat-lined.  That's some creepy shit to hear.  The meds have to slow you almost to flat lining to work the best.  And they feel like you're on fire when it happens.  Like liquid fire is coursing through your veins.  It doesn't last long, but damn it's intense.  The beta blockers just make you feel... almost restricted.  Not in an uncomfortable way, but like you couldn't raise your pulse if you wanted to.


They ran the gamut of testing, everything came back good, although they're waiting on the thyroid tests.  We were there from about 7-10, which wasn't too bad.


All in all, I've learned that I need to slow the fuck down.  Not physically, in fact I need to kicked that up a notch (not like hardcore stuff, just activity in general), but stress wise.  I need to eat better, drink far less alcohol and far more water, cut back on sugar and over the counter meds.  I need to give my heart a break before something worse happens.  The Universe has spoken and I am taking heed.  It won't be hard to make my New Years resolution this year, and to stick to it.  I've got my ER bracelet on the fridge as a not so subtle reminder.

A Beary Good Toy

So, I'm a little torn over a recent purchase; part of my loves it and part of me feels a little guilty over it.  Why?  Well, it's a T.J. Bearytales toy, which if you're not acquainted with is a animatronic talking teddy bear that tells stories, sings songs and plays a few simple games.  He's pretty much rad.  I found in in good condition at a local thrift store and I Jude was so enthralled with it I had to buy it.  Besides which, it's a discontinued toy and as I discovered later is actually worth a bit, so double score.  Finding the cartridges for the stories is a little harder, but not much because without the bear they're not worth much, so people get rid of them decently cheap on-line.

Now, Jude will actually sit there and listen to him tell his story, and will talk to him, and sing along with him, which is great.  Having a three year old sit through a whole story is damn near amazing.  So on that note I feel great about the purchase.  It's not a game, it's not a DVD, he's not staring a screen, he's actively listening.  I love that.  And, I love to spoil my boy when I can.

The part that I dislike is that I feel like I'm pawning him off on the toy.  Not that I'm twiddling my thumbs while he's playing with it, I'm doing something productive like working on photos or cleaning, that sort of thing.  It's really nice to have him occupied for a bit because frankly my son is almost incapable of entertaining himself.  He's a very social creature, he likes to be engaged by people, although mostly adults.  So I rarely get to do anything for any stretch of time without a hundred interruptions.  I have to have a sitter over to play with him just to get homework done.  And on top of that he hasn't taken a nap in... well, since before summer.  Seriously, little man is paying me back for what I did to my mother, pretty sure.

So there you have it.  I don't feel guilty enough to take the toy away but... I'm going to feel a little pull every time he plays with it I think.

Christmas is Coming

I swear we had every intention of not spoiling Jude this year for Christmas.  We've kind of always liked to follow the 4 gift rule: one from Santa, one from us, jammies, and a book.  But this year that got away from us before we realized it.  I don't know how, or why, but little man has been well taken care of this year.

This means I have to buckle down and actually pass on some of his old toys.  This is difficult for two reasons.  One, he still plays with pretty much all of his toys.  We've always chosen wisely and bought toys that grow with him... so that makes the spring cleaning difficult.  Two, Jude is very good to his toys.  We've raised him with a strong belief that he needs to take care of his possessions or he doesn't get them.  And yes, I have thrown things away to punctuate this point.  Sometimes things just go in the closet for a stretch, if it's a matter of putting them away not them being broken.  This means he has toys that are two years old that are still in very good condition. It also helps that Jude isn't a brute by nature.

I also know to put toys up when other children come over.  There are only two kiddos I know can handle all of Jude's toys without hurting them, all the rest get a paired down version of his toy box.  Although that is a another reason I am hesitant to get rid of some of the older, younger, toys... we need them for the smaller ones that visit us.

All in all, I either need to do some serious rearranging and get some more storage for Jude's room or I'm going to have some tough decisions to make after this weekend.

Sweet Boy

I love hearing the stuff that comes out of my son's mouth.  Seriously, he's hilarious and cute and smart and his choices in speech crack me up.  For example, he tells me today, "We're not pirates, we are a family."  Just like that.  Just yesterday he says to me "I love you Mama, and I love Papa, and we are a family."  He's very focused on the family thing lately.

He has also taken to saying "I not like your options, Mama, I like my options,"  meaning he doesn't like the ones I'm giving him but rather the ones he has in mind.

He even told me I was a clever Mama the other day.  Clever.  How awesome is that?  He also never hesitates to offer praise in general.  I think that's important.

Oh, and he's such a sweet boy.  the other day when he saw his cousin upset over having to leave and go somewhere he didn't want to go (and was just bawling, poor thing) he kept saying "I not want him to leave.  He's upset.  I not want him to leave."  Simply because he saw how upset he was.  It held no bearing for him, we were headed out ourselves.  He just didn't want to see his cousin unhappy.

I truly hope these traits stick around as he grows up.

Yup

Might want to pay more attention to your own.  And I'm not being snarky, I actually mean that, because shit isn't right.

Bright Star

Oh my.  I'm sitting here, in a quiet apt, crying like a baby, at the simple joy of another's new life.  Some times it seems like mere seconds ago we welcomed our own little boy into this world, and at others it feels like forever...

It races by.

Times stands still.

You feel cheated.

You feel so blessed.

Parenthood is such a contradiction in terms.  It makes you feel capable of anything and yet horribly vulnerable at the same time.  It's a miracle and it's chemistry.  It's visceral and beautiful.  It's blood and it's guts and it's tears and it's the most wonderful, magical, all encompassing supper awesome fantastic... THING... ever.

You're rendered speechless but want to tell everyone you've ever met how much you love and cherish their life.  It's weird.

I love it.

To this day I can't imagine anything smelling better than my baby's head.  I can't imagine life without that smell.  It's instinctual.

Did you know that the only plea of insanity as a defense for a criminal act that will still hold up in court is the "mama bear" defense?  Think about that for a second.  Take it in.  Yup.  I believe it.

So random, I know, but I'm damn near delirious with exhaustion.

In summation.  The new life that has been welcomed into this world on Dec 4th 2011, by my (our) dear friends (I will omit names simply for politics sake) is blessed and is going to make life for his folks better, and harder, and more beautiful and imaginative, and exhausting and pleasurable, and messier and more solid, and mean more than anything else that has come before him.  Sebastien, you are already a bright star.

S*** My Kids Ruined

I would like to take a second to respond to the ideas presented in the comments on this article in which my son is featured (he was published in a coffee table book due to a funny photo I submitted).

Anyone that has ever had a child is aware that no matter how good of a parent you are, SHIT happens.  Period. No parent is perfect, sometimes we forget that we left the bathroom door open, or a marker down where our child can reach it, or got distracted by a phone call and left the laptop on the couch.  Children are magnets for disaster by their very nature.  They're curious, they're fearless, they're unaware of their limitations, they just don't know that much.  They learn primarily through exploration and sometimes that doesn't end well for your personal possessions, or your carpets, or their hair (I've known more than one kid that's tried to cut their own hair).  The reason this is funny, the reason the site and the book exist, is because 1) we all need to know that these things happen.  2) sometimes you HAVE to laugh in order not to want to beat the shit out of your kid!  Well, maybe not beat the shit out of them, but yell, or cry, or throw things.

My son is one of the most well behaved children I know.  You can ask anyone he comes into contact with.  He's polite, he's sweet, he's caring and thoughtful, he's smart and well spoken, he doesn't throw tantrums or bully other children, he's like a dream child.  But he's still just a kid, he's still going to do things wrong, and break things, and spill things and forget things, it's part of being young.  As parents our job is not necessarily to prevent all of that, it's to help them learn FROM it.  When negative behavior is repeated with no one addressing it, or with the child failing to respond to the lessons, then it's an issue.

As for documenting it, please, we, the general WE, document EVERYTHING these days.  It's the age of digital cameras, duh.  Besides which, you have to keep proof for when they're grown and have kids of their own ;)

Quit Labeling Our Kids

Why do people feel the need to label their kids?  In some circumstances I understand the need to get an official diagnosis in order to properly treat a disorder or learn more about coping techniques, but it just seems like these days parents are in a hurry to find out what's "wrong" with their kids.

I think that those types of parents can fit into two categories.  The first are the blamers.  They want to be able to explain away behavior rather than learn to direct it, change it, or cope with it.  Direct, change, and/or cope almost sound like dirty words in relation to children's behavior, I know, why do I need to change my kids?!  No, don't go there.  Everything you do from the time they are born assists in shaping who they are whether you are actively doing it or not, so don't give me that shit.  If your child has ADD you have to help them learn techniques for focusing.  If your child has OCD you have to help them learn how to handle it to minimize the potential for negative effects.  If your child has Autism you will spend time coping with all manner of different scenarios other parents aren't likely to understand.  It's not about controlling, it's about guiding, like little bumpers on a go-cart track, freedom to move but protection against crashing.

Anyway, back to the blamers.  Yeah, they're the ones that once they get a diagnosis will then start using it as an EXCUSE.  Big old difference between an excuse and a reason.  There are times where the disorder is the reason, but for blamers ALL negative behavior becomes it's fault and is often left to flourish because "what can I do?  They have _________."  This also results in parents who never take the time to fully learn about their child and what having a significant disorder entails, which leads to a lack of quality in the lives of these children.  To me, it's a form of abuse.  Simply put, they are failing to help their child be the happiest and healthiest they can be.

The second category I think are the ones that are just morbid.  They want to know what's wrong with everyone and feel the need to label everyone according to their... faults for lack of a better term.  Faults by societies standards, mind you, not my own.  I'm speaking in generalities here.  These morbid parents just find it all too interesting and get hung up on the technical crap and so often fail to really see the child behind it.  They're usually more interested in the medical aspect and look to cures in things like drugs and such rather than in letting their child simply be who they are.

Now, this doesn't include all the parents out there who are doing right by their kids.  I'm not trying to say that everyone that has a kid with a disorder is wrong in getting them diagnosed.  Not by a long shot.  I simply mean to say that unless there is a serious detriment, and by that I mean it's affecting the child's health or happiness and at home coping techniques are not enough, there is no need to "get them tested."  Every child is different.  Every human is different.  Normal does not exist anymore because our scope of understanding is too broad to allow it, however, I don't believe that it means we need to nit pick at our kids quirks.  My son's got his fair share, and we've learned to adapt to them, like parents have been doing for thousands of years.  My son doesn't need a label, but thanks for offering.

SAHM&P

I'm super looking forward to time off from school.  I can't wait to start working with Jude more, on preschool type things.  And I'm looking forward to time spent on my photography, that will be awesome.  Oh, and let's not forget crafts!  I've been finding so much cool stuff on-line that I want to try doing.  Now, all we have to do is make it through the next week and a half and we're golden :)

Oh Kermie!

We went and saw the newest Muppet movie this evening and I have to say I LOVED it.  It even made me tear up a bit, sappy me.  But really, the whole thing movie had me thinking that Jim Henson, wherever souls go after this life, must be super happy and proud.  The hearkening back to the old show (the one I watched growing up... yes, I'm that old), the idea that the Muppets are still as loved as ever, people just need to be reminded... it was perfect.  Jason Segal, I applaud you.

Bette Davis

♥

♥

Yup, love it.

The Judester

So, Jude update, health-wise.  His three year well child check up was this past Wednesday.  He is weighing in at a tad over 30lbs, is standing nearly 39 inches (he's now much taller than his cousin Piper, is almost spot on the same as his cousin Ayden, and is only a few inches shorter than Austin, and Jude's the baby of the group!), his eye sight is stellar (the tech was impressed), and his leg is straightening out more.  The doctor was impressed that he's completely potty trained, his teeth were "squeaky clean" as she put it, and says that he looks great over-all, very healthy.  The tech came in to take his blood for an iron count, and he was so brave, he didn't cry until it was all over with, I was so proud of him.

He's turning into such a wonderful little man.  He's currently well into his terrible threes, which for us is easy compared to what I see others going through.  The two's were cake, the threes are a little more trying.  Jude has discovered the use of the word like, so now when you're not letting him get his way he tells you he doesn't like you.  Which sucks, but at the same time it's just him expressing his feelings in a generalized manor.  Kids are do all or nothing about things!  He'll also tell us he doesn't like what we're saying and will tell us to stop talking.  His newest thing is to send me to my room.  If I'm not letting him do what he wants he says "I want you to go in your room Mama.  Go do homework in your room."  It's a little funny.  He makes up for those little things though, his manners are still amazing, and he's such a love.

He's starting to write his letters now.  I can't wait to be done with classes so I can spend more time cultivating that, along with his numbers.  He's just so damn smart.  He's started asking for 100 piece puzzles now, although he still needs help with those or he gets bored about halfway through.  The 24-48 are a cinch for him now though, it's crazy watching him just zooming through them like they're nothing.  His memory is scary good too.  He'll remember some small detail from something that happened 6 months ago and hasn't been brought up since.  Oh, for example, we attended a baby shower at the Engine House back in April and the hostess had provided bubbles in the goodie bags.  Well, we attended another baby shower there about a week ago and what does Jude immediately ask for?  The bubbles.  There weren't any, much to his dismay, but he remembered the room and that it had meant bubbles the last time.  Crazy!

Anyway, he's just our amazing little mister and I love discovering this world anew through his eyes.  It's the best!

My Little Old Man

We were told Jude seems older than his mere three years three times today by three separate people.  It's a combination of looks and vocabulary apparently, he's quite the talker.  He's always looked a little older to me:

/\ That's him at just five days old, so alert.

/\ That was a little over three months.

/\ Seven months.

And that was at his first birthday party... /\ already walking and working it in a bounce house!

I'm with Jude everyday so it's really easy to take for granted how ahead of the curve he is.  And he is, ahead of the curve in nearly everything, not like genius ahead, but enough that it's apparent.  It takes being around other peoples children, who are totally healthy and normal and on track developmentally, to realize this.  I saw a three month old today and I feel like Jude was never really that much of a baby-baby except maybe in that first week.  I almost feel cheated, lol.  He grew up so quickly, and being ahead on everything made it even quicker than the average.  I feel like I never got much true baby time with him.

Shut The Fuck Up

Things I've learned thanks to my paralegal studies: Nearly everyone taking law/paralegal classes...

1. Loves to hear themselves talk.
2. Loves to beat dead horses.
3. Loves to get caught up on the details and outcomes. (unless you're actually studying to be a lawyer, this rarely matters)
4. Does not understand that no one else gives a shit about what they have to say.
5. Thinks they know more than everyone else in the class.
6. Knows someone who has been arrested unfairly (and wants to tell you how they would have fought the case and won because they know the law).
7. Actually wants to be a lawyer (but has chosen not to be due to money/time/lack of growth in the field... according to them).
8. Are argumentative as fuck.
9. Rarely smile.
10. Thinks that 5 minuets actually means 15.  I think this is somehow the key to why things take so long in the legal arena.

I'm sure I'll have more to add later.

No Doormat

My goodness my blog seems to be popular... *grins*

So, my child has upped the bar recently and it's an interesting development.  I'm not sure what brought it on, or if it was merely a combination of circumstances (which is more likely) but I'm glad for it.  I've mentioned before that Jude is a reserved child with other children.  He avoids rough housing with them (but he'll wrestle us like a pro) and tends to choose his friends very carefully.  He's friendly, don't get me wrong, if there's another kid his age around he'll usually attempt to strike up a conversation (which consists of "I'm Jude Price, Iron Man!" as of late) or try to play, but he gets overwhelmed if they're too in your face and he'll back off.

Well Sunday we went with Aaron's family to Maris Farms (Pumpkin Patch) and Jude's cousin Ayden was along.  The boys usually don't get a chance to interact much outside of Tutu and Pap-pap's home so this was sort of a new scenario for them.  Jude isn't shy.  He may be for like ten mins if someone approaches him directly, but for the most part he'll go on about his business despite strangers being present.  He doesn't like to be physically crowded, mind you, but he's the same child out and about that he is at home, there's not much deviation.  Ayden, on the other hand, is more reserved, which I've sort of noticed in general, but like I said, we usually see him in an environment where he's comfortable so it's not that pronounced.  At Tutu and Pap-pap's home (grandma and grandpa Price) Ayden typically dominates the play and Jude follows suit.  They play well together, and when I say dominate I don't mean bully type of dominate, I just mean that Ayden likes to take the lead and so long as it's pleasing to Jude, he'll go along with it.

When in a public place though, apparently this changes a great deal.  Bear in mind that this was only one scenario, so I can only really speak for Jude on this, and that's what I'm noting; his change, which I'll get to.

Ayden's behavior wasn't surprising, like I said he's always been a bit more reserved by nature, and his life is a little less stable so it makes sense that he would be so (again, not a judgement, just an observation).  Jude is more... I want to say childlike, carefree, young soul vs. old soul type of thing.  If you knew the boys, you'd get what I'm saying.  Anyway, while at the farm Jude was just Jude.  Running around, yelling, playing, getting into things, talking up a freakin' storm, and Ayden kept to himself but for a few instances where he seemed more comfortable, like when doing something he was use to (i.e. sliding down the slide, jumping around on the bouncy pillow).  I mention these because I think that this played into Jude's change toward Ayden, whcih I'm getting to, I just want to explain myself clearly is all.

Later we all went out for pizza at Farelli's.  It wasn't very crowded so the boys were able to play a bit after diner.  They were both given balloons and preceded to have a balloon fight.  Here's what was surprising; Jude kept backing Ayden up against the wall with during this (naturally he'd be told to back off a bit and give him room).  Based on what I've mentioned previously, this was surprising to both Aaron and I.  This was the first real show of aggression we've seen in Jude.  Not that I want my child to be aggressive, but we have been trying to instill in him a need to be assertive so this was actually something we were glad to see.  It was harmless, there was never any worry over him harming his cousin and Ayden would let him know when he'd had enough so Jude was getting a lesson in "Hey, he's asking you to stop, that means stop" (or something to that effect).  It all made me sort of hopeful that he won't actually be a doormat to other children (a serious concern for me, the only real one honestly).  Of course, with a three year old it's a fun time teaching him when to back off and when backing down is also important, but that's an over-time, keep at it, kind of thing.

Photographers Assistant

Jude is amazing.  Have I mentioned that lately?  I had to take him on a shoot today (not that it was far away, it was just out our back door) and he not only behaved himself really well but actually helped.  My little boy is turning into my little photographers assistant.  How perfectly wonderful is that?!  It won't be long before he's figuring out how to hold a reflector and bounce light.  Gah, he's my perfect little mister.

American Dreams

Man, I HATE how life and it's necessities can create such painful circumstances.  Watching Jude go through the denial of his fathers time because of work... it makes me want to find a way to move overseas.  To create a life in a country where work isn't everything.

Today while playing at the park, in the middle of all the fun and play... Jude runs over to a platform, sits himself down, and frowns.  I walk over, squat down in front of him and before I can even ask what's wrong he tells me "I miss Papa."

...

God that broke my heart.

Why?  Why do we live to work?  To make money?  To need THINGS?  Other countries aren't nearly as product driven as we are.  They live to enjoy life, which centers on their families and their time with them, not on the cars they drive, the clothes they wear, the movies, the stuff... the crap we accumulate.

I dream of a life in Tuscany... working the land and living with my family and the enjoyment of a life together... I hate the American Dream.  I really fucking do.  It's such a shallow, stupid dream... *sigh*

Team Price

It's weird how fall means that I spend much of my time as a single mother.  Aaron works 15-18 hour days, seven days a week, some night not even making it home at all.  He works for a company that makes high end aluminum hulled boats for clients like the military, coast guard, and the FDNY (yeah, I'm a little proud of him and his work).  His work hits proposal season and is super busy drafting new boats and proposals to win bids for the newest requests worth a lot of money.  More than that I don't care to tell, suffice it to say very busy.

Now, this is interesting because it actually alters my relationship with Jude for a few months out of the year.  Naturally he doesn't like that Papa is gone so much.  In fact, it is a direct cause of his acting out more this time of year.  He becomes harder to handle, especially for Aaron, because he takes his anger out on him.  For me it means he may be a bit more pouty but due to our general relationship he still minds me.  On the other end of that is that him and I become a team.  It becomes Jude and I against the world!  We try to make boring things fun.  We try to go on adventures and try new things together.  And I can usually talk him out of the grumps by reminding him that this won't last but while it does him and I need to work together to make it through.  With this fall I'm in classes, which makes things a bit trickier, and I can tell you I will not be attempting classes in the fall again.  I'll stick to Winter and Spring quarters, or one class in the fall maybe.

Anyway, I digress.

Tomorrow him and I will hop the bus and head to the Tacoma Art Museum for a change of scene, and maybe stop at some cafe down town for a snack.  We'll enjoy some art and get some exercise and just spend time being Mama and Jude, Team Price, in search of adventure and knowledge and fun.

Gratitude

I'm having one of those super grateful moments.  I get those a lot since having Jude.  A child really does have a huge impact on your perspective (well, if you're open to it anyway).

My son has a home, which includes heat, and running water, and his own room.  He has food to eat, good food, tasty food.  He has clothes, lots of them, and they're clean and they fit.  He has toys, sometimes I think he has too many of those.  He has parents that love him, and who love each other, something that is sadly more rare than we want to realize.  He see affection daily, both to him and between his parents.  He is healthy, in body and mind.  He has extended family that adores him.  He has family friends that adore him.  He has friends and playmates.  Essentially, he wants for nothing.

For someone that was raised on a welfare lifestyle this amounts to so much in my eyes.  The simply fact that he own a battery operated four-wheeler... I could only dream of such a thing as a child.  Not that I wasn't fed, but it was often less than appetizing, as those that have frequented food-banks and Beehive Industry store houses know.  Hand me down clothes can be depressing when you have only older brothers, and Value Village wasn't nearly as cool as it is now.  Love was there, but it was complicated due to untreated mental illness and repressed emotions.  I'm don't blame anyone for these things, they simply are what they are, and I know my parents tried.  They did want the best for us despite not always being able to provide it, and that does count.  However, I'm so glad we can give our boy more, and I believe my appreciation for these things constantly reminds me to teach Jude the importance of gratitude.

On that note, Jude now even says thank you after declining something.  He started off say "No, please." on his own so we had to swap that out for "No, thank you."  Of course, it's easy for him to pick up these things since it's reinforced through our us of it all the time.  Example folks, I swear by it.

Spanking, yeah, I went there.

Soooooo, I got into an argument about spanking.  Yup.  Totally did.

You see, I don't believe in spanking.  Does that mean I'm going to jump all over you if you have swatted your child a few times over the course of their lives?  No.  Number one, there must be a distinction set up between those that have occasionally resorted to this method of discipline and those that use it as a regular tool.  Why people feel the need to compare a person that's used spanking twice and one that uses it weekly if not daily I will never understand.

Does that mean that I think that every child that is spanked is going to grow up to be a sex offender or murder?  Don't be an idiot, of course I don't.

Does this mean that I think it should be outlawed?  Well, maybe... simply because people aren't smart enough to educate themselves on the real effects, the possible effects (which, I don't know about you, but when it comes to my child, "possibly" is too close to "will" for comfort), and more importantly WHAT IS LIKELY TO WORK BETTER.

It's that last one that gets me.  "I was spanked and I turned out fine."  Oh yeah, who are you?  Is your life so great that you can tell me it worked so well as to make you a better person?  Because that's what parenting comes down to.  It's not about not messing up your kids (although that's better than doing so), it's about helping them to be the best people they can be.  So simply telling me you turned out fine is by no means proof that spanking is a good method.  Second off... how  many things have we discovered over the years that our parents did are actually BAD for us.  Like smoking while pregnant?  Use to be they thought it was good because it provided low birth weight so labor would go more smoothly.  And now we know that it deprives the fetus of oxygen and nutrients.  What about car-seats?  Have you seen the ones from the 70's?  They don't look like they would protect a fly in a car wreak.  See where I'm going with this?

You, as a parent, have a duty to your child (because you brought them into this world, so own up) not to simply follow the herd and do what has been done.  You have a duty to teach them, not just discipline them.

Spanking is reactive.  Parenting should not be.  Parenting should be active.

I've spoken of this before, the whole "instead" method, so I'm only going to touch upon the basics of it now.  The times I've witnessed spanking, and when I hear it talked about, I've never seen or heard actual active parenting.  It goes like this: Child makes a mess, child is asked to clean up, doesn't, gets spanked, the end.  Often times that second step isn't even in there but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt.  No attempt to tell the child why the mess is a problem.  No attempt to tell them why cleaning up is necessary.  When/if they refuse, no attempt to tell them, explain to them, why that behavior is unacceptable... etc.  See the difference?  When a child acts out of turn, acts out, throws a tantrum, there is no attempt to teach them anything about problem solving except to hit them and therefore teach them fear and violent action.  Think of how confusing that is to a toddler.

Also, spanking is reacting to a negative behavior rather than trying to prevent it.  And it teaches kids the problem is getting caught, not the behavior itself.  YOU become the problem in their minds, not the behavior.  No, seriously.  You think of it from an adult perspective, but children simply don't make connections the same way we do, their brains are still growing and wiring themselves.  It's not the same thing to them.

Whew, I'm actually running out of steam, and I have a great big pot of coffee calling my name, so I'll end with this: you owe it to your child to try more useful and positive methods of "discipline" and to teach them rather than punish them.  Boundaries are great, but you don't need to set the field with land mines when a simple fence will do.

I Love You

How often do you tell your child that you  love them?  I'm curious as to what the average is for something like that.  I mean, I know that I'd fall above the average for the simple fact that there are a ton of parents out there that don't say it often enough and that would pull the average down... but I wonder how far.

I say it to Jude... 20 times before lunch I'd estimate, easily.  I just look at him, or he says something, and the sentiment just bursts out of me.  I can't help it.  My mother taught me to always tell those I love that I do indeed love them.  Never rely on mere actions, always use words as well (notice the "as well"?  Yeah, actions are still very important in the deal).  She wasn't told it often enough so she made sure we knew it's importance.  "Me too" and "Ditto" do NOT count either.  That's a cop out used by people that don't have the balls to own up and use the real words, or are too lazy to do so, either way, it's not acceptable.

Growing up though I discovered the other side to this sword of truth; NEVER use it when you don't mean it.  See, it's twofold.  So Jude will be raised with both aspects of that sentiment easily understandable.  He hears it ALL the time, and he never balks at it.  He'll say it back or he'll go "Awwwww" and hug us, or give us a kiss.  I don't want him to feel it's a requirement that he always reply with the same, only when he means it.  Besides, I never say it expecting it back, I say it because I just mean it and feel it at that moment (well, every moment really).  I also don't simply say "I love you", I also say things like "I love being your Mama," or "I'm so glad you're my son," and "I'm such a lucky Mama." It means the same thing, only a little more specific.

So, how many times a day do let your child know you love them?  In words and actions?

Just Do It

I do not understand why people lie about stupid shit.  Especially when the truth has such a great chance of being discovered (yeah, so much of that going on today).  Lying about things that your child says or does or accomplishes when they know that the lack of that behavior will be noticed is retarded.  Yes, retarded.  And I'm not talking about natural motherly inflation based on love and pride; a healthy dose of that is to be expected.  I'm talking about out right lies, retarded, idiotic, doesn't even matter in the long run crap.  I'm not saying this out of anger, or frustration, I'm saying this out of pure bafflement.  I don't get it.  I'm a logical person, I'm almost overly analytical, so behavior of this nature from others actually makes me wonder at their sanity.



Definition of SANE

1

: proceeding from a sound mind : rational

2

: mentally sound; especially : able to anticipate and appraise the effect of one's actions

Definition of RATIONAL

1

a : having reason or understandingb : relating to, based on, or agreeable to reason : reasonable<a rational explanation> <rational behavior>

See, sane, rational = not coo coo nut balls.  Lacking in sanity and rationale?  Get help.  Like a Nike ad, Just Do It!

Creative Communications

So, Jude tells me today "You use my power, Mama."  I use your power?  "Yes, you use my power and you push my buttons a lot of the time."  Just like that, word for word.  I can only deduce that he means I wear him out and annoy him... I get on his nerves.  Fair enough, he can get on mine and that's easily a two way street.

It's so strange to me how over just a few months my little person is showing even more personality, more independent thought.  He's always been a smart cookie, easily grasping abstract thought early on, but still... it amazes me.  That along with his logical Virgo nature should prove interesting in his teen years.  Not too mention the interesting ways in which he chooses to express himself.  Yeah, I'm in for some verbal battles with this one ;)

My Cautious Little Mister

Today I came to the realization that Jude is very likely going to be one of those people that has a few really close friends, because he can't be bothered with the rest.  He's very particular about the other children he chooses to attach himself too and the others are just obstacles that get between him and them.  On one end, this is good, it means he's not as likely to get pulled into group mentalities and the trouble those can cause.  It means his friendships are likely to be more enduring because he'll put more effort into each individual one.  It bodes well for his commitment in romantic relationships.  On the other hand it's going to open him up to being hurt more easily if someone he's friends with is more popular than him (he won't get as much attention as he's giving).  It means he's likely to be a little clingy if he's not careful.  It also means he's likely to ignore people if they're not in his circle, and possible anger them. He'll respond when other children talk to him, and sometimes more outgoing kids can get him to open up and play, he's not anti-social.  He's just really particular and cautious.  If not encouraged to remain open it may also put him on the outskirts of most social groups.

It's really weird watching your own child and seeing so much of yourself in them.  Jude isn't shy like I was though, thank god.  I was painfully shy.  Horribly shy.  Would very nearly cry if the teacher called on me shy.  But, we are alike in that select few friends bit.  I don't waste my time getting to know everyone at a party.  Honestly, if I don't have plans to continue to include you in my life intentionally... I'm not likely to remember your name unless there's something significant about it in and of itself.  Sorry.  I'm not doing it to be rude, my brain simply prunes anything out that it doesn't absolutely need.  And it's not that I don't feel everyone isn't worth knowing, it's just a rational "is this person really going to fit into my life" question.  I'm not a super social butterfly.  Neither is Jude.  He has his best friends, three if you count his cousin (which he does), and one or two other's that he'll hang with but are a little behind socially due to an age difference.  And one or two that over time I think have the potential to be best friends.  But that's it.  He's more likely to approach an adult to play or show them something than another child.  Part of me likes that and hopes it's a sign of intelligence, and another part is a little concerned for how that may play out for him in his teen years.

Jude's 3rd Birthday Party Pictures

Okay, I finally have a moment to post photos from Jude's birthday party.  Even despite the handful of people that had to cancel for various reasons, we still had a great turn out.  There's nothing like hearing 30+ people singing Happy Birthday to your baby boy to fill your heart to bursting.  It was so loud I think Jude was a little unsure at first, but it only took a second for him to break out in a huge cheesy grin.  I can't describe how happy it makes me to see our little man so loved and shown so much affection... He's such a lucky boy!