You see, I don't believe in spanking. Does that mean I'm going to jump all over you if you have swatted your child a few times over the course of their lives? No. Number one, there must be a distinction set up between those that have occasionally resorted to this method of discipline and those that use it as a regular tool. Why people feel the need to compare a person that's used spanking twice and one that uses it weekly if not daily I will never understand.
Does that mean that I think that every child that is spanked is going to grow up to be a sex offender or murder? Don't be an idiot, of course I don't.
Does this mean that I think it should be outlawed? Well, maybe... simply because people aren't smart enough to educate themselves on the real effects, the possible effects (which, I don't know about you, but when it comes to my child, "possibly" is too close to "will" for comfort), and more importantly WHAT IS LIKELY TO WORK BETTER.
It's that last one that gets me. "I was spanked and I turned out fine." Oh yeah, who are you? Is your life so great that you can tell me it worked so well as to make you a better person? Because that's what parenting comes down to. It's not about not messing up your kids (although that's better than doing so), it's about helping them to be the best people they can be. So simply telling me you turned out fine is by no means proof that spanking is a good method. Second off... how many things have we discovered over the years that our parents did are actually BAD for us. Like smoking while pregnant? Use to be they thought it was good because it provided low birth weight so labor would go more smoothly. And now we know that it deprives the fetus of oxygen and nutrients. What about car-seats? Have you seen the ones from the 70's? They don't look like they would protect a fly in a car wreak. See where I'm going with this?
You, as a parent, have a duty to your child (because you brought them into this world, so own up) not to simply follow the herd and do what has been done. You have a duty to teach them, not just discipline them.
Spanking is reactive. Parenting should not be. Parenting should be active.
I've spoken of this before, the whole "instead" method, so I'm only going to touch upon the basics of it now. The times I've witnessed spanking, and when I hear it talked about, I've never seen or heard actual active parenting. It goes like this: Child makes a mess, child is asked to clean up, doesn't, gets spanked, the end. Often times that second step isn't even in there but I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. No attempt to tell the child why the mess is a problem. No attempt to tell them why cleaning up is necessary. When/if they refuse, no attempt to tell them, explain to them, why that behavior is unacceptable... etc. See the difference? When a child acts out of turn, acts out, throws a tantrum, there is no attempt to teach them anything about problem solving except to hit them and therefore teach them fear and violent action. Think of how confusing that is to a toddler.
Also, spanking is reacting to a negative behavior rather than trying to prevent it. And it teaches kids the problem is getting caught, not the behavior itself. YOU become the problem in their minds, not the behavior. No, seriously. You think of it from an adult perspective, but children simply don't make connections the same way we do, their brains are still growing and wiring themselves. It's not the same thing to them.
Whew, I'm actually running out of steam, and I have a great big pot of coffee calling my name, so I'll end with this: you owe it to your child to try more useful and positive methods of "discipline" and to teach them rather than punish them. Boundaries are great, but you don't need to set the field with land mines when a simple fence will do.
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