Trial and Error

Okay, so one of the most important things I've learned in the last few months when it comes to parenting is this: Don't simply point out (and punish) inappropriate behavior, give the child an appropriate behavior to replace it with.

Sounds like a "duh" statement, but really, how many times do you find yourself telling your child "stop, no, we don't do that" or putting them in time out for something, even going so far as to explain to them the specifics of what they did wrong and why (and I would hope this is part of the process is general but I know better than to assume), but never really telling them, or showing them, what to do INSTEAD?  No, really, stop and think about it next time.

We, the general we, have a tendency to set up a learning environment that expects a kid to learn by trial and error, and then we get upset with them when they don't learn fast enough.  They try one thing, they get punished, they try another, they get punished, they try another, etc... until eventually they stop being punished so they can assume they got it right.  Not only is this a way to set your child up for constant punishment or reprimand, it's also making your job more difficult by extending the amount of time you need to spend teaching them a particular appropriate behavior.  Even some of the coolest, nicest, smartest parents I know seem to be prone to this misstep on the parenting path.  Hell, I didn't notice myself doing it until it was pointed out to me (the practice in general, not to me personally) and I still have to catch myself and remind myself that it's not the most productive way of handling situations with Jude.  It's a tough one.

Next time you find yourself stopping an inappropriate  response in your child make an effort to give them an appropriate alternative.  It will make both your lives easier, I promise.

And I'm tired, so that's all for now.

Jude and Connor, no connection to the post, just a cute shot.