Smiling Hearts

You know, if you were to only read what I write here and know nothing else about me... I kind of sound like a bitch.  I'd like to take a minute, or a couple of them, to say that I'm not a perfect parent.  I sound like I think I am, but I don't, honest.  I make mistakes, I get frustrated and angry, I even snap sometimes.  I'm human.  The  point of my musings here are more for educational purposes I guess.  Writing about what I've done wrong sort of defeats that purpose unless it's to highlight how I do them differently now.  I'm writing about the things I feel I'm doing right because they are the things I feel will be most beneficial to anyone else reading this.  That and I like to rant so complaining about what other people are doing wrong gives me more freedom in that area.

You also must understand that I entered into the role of parent on purpose.  It's the only thing in life I've ever been sure of.  I've changed my mind about what career I want a handful of times, but I've never changed my mind about my desire to be a mother.  I've never doubted it.  I've been planning for this since I was a small girl.  I took very good care of my baby dolls, thank you very much.  On top of my own desire (and yes, I'm positive these things are separate) I was also raised to be a mom.  I grew up in an environment where families were/are the most important part of life and in a religion that stressed women as mothers (Mormon, and no, I no longer subscribe to it).  So all of my preteen years, right up until I chose to stop attending church, I was being prepped for that role.  Since I actually wanted to be a mom someday it worked out well.  For those that don't it would likely suck just a bit.

I babysat all the time, even for free because I just LOVED kids (which is funny because now I only do it for people I really, really like).  I borrowed babies during Sunday school so I could play out in the halls with them (which conveniently also meant getting out of class).  I was one of those kids that asked for a baby sister for Christmas.  Never got one though.  Santa totally cheated me.

As I got older I thought I wanted to teach, which was discussed in an earlier post, and even after I discarded that idea I never tossed the urge to have a baby.  While younger there wasn't much thought to how I would raise any children I had.  I didn't think about the details of it all, which is why I'm horribly grateful that I didn't have a child when I was younger.  I wasn't ready and that lack of forethought proves it.

I was 27 when we decided to to try for a baby, and got it in one shot.  28 when Jude was born, and I'll be 31 on his 3rd birthday this year.  While I wouldn't mind the energy levels I had in my youth, I honestly don't think I would be doing nearly as good of a job at raising him if I'd had him even three years earlier.  I've taken developmental psych, which I think should be offered, and encouraged, in every high school.  I've also attended Early Childhood Development and Child Guidance classes.  Both of which I'd also highly recommend to any parent.  Even if you can't afford actual college classes, look into local community projects, YMCA, churches, etc.  They are well worth the time.  Not only are you likely to learn strategies that help in making your child's life better, but also your life easier, your family unit stronger and your days less stressful.  There's nothing like following through with a new technique on child rearing and having people, even strangers, compliment you on how you interact with your child.  It'll make your heart smile to know that you're on the right track.