I have a hard time balancing my judgmental personality with my my desire not to come across as a bitch....
As a parent, this is especially hard. Not because I want to be liked, but rather because I honestly want to give people good advice and not have them turned off by any lingering cattiness. I want to share with them what has worked for me, but I also understand that when it comes to specifics every child is different so parenting has to be tailored to the child (to a certain extent...) and you can't expect every child to react the same to situations. There are universal truths that when parents fail, they, well, fail, but I'm not Nazi about it all and can see the variations.
I truly hope that any parent I interact with, specifically friends and family, know that I am not trying to demean them. If, IF, I think that there is room for improvement in parenting it's typically because I feel I've benefited from education where they have not, not because I feel I'm inherently a better parent. I've stated this before; I know that I would not be as good a parent as I am had I had a child 10 years ago. I would not have nearly the education nor the experience I have now which I believe has made me as capable as I am. Period. This is why I encourage waiting to have a child AND taking full advantage of the education system. Even if your certification doesn't call for it, take developmental psyche, or a childhood development class, or a child guidance class. Take it all. Why not? If you plan to have a child, educate yourself! If you can't take classes, read, study, ask questions, ask other parents.
There is nothing more important than the raising of your child. Everything we are as a species depends on their success. From the small scale of their happiness to the large scale of their ability to perfect space travel and find a cure for cancer; all of that is dependent on how we raise them, and who we raise them to be.
I've recently come up against the issue of book smarts vs people smarts. What is more important to you? I use to think it was having a baby that could read... but more and more I'm beginning to think that that is the least of my concerns. I have a (almost) three year old that can say his alphabet, can recognize a few written words and some letters. He can count to 20, usually, and appears to know some of his numbers on site. He can do a jigsaw puzzle like nobody's business (which I'm so happy about, we can be puzzle pals when he gets older). But really, I'm not concerned. I know he's smart, likely ahead of the curve, definitely not behind it, and he's coming from good stock. I don't fear for his academic success, but more importantly, I don't fear for his social success.
There are things I can spot as weaknesses, things that will have to be addressed and cultivated. Jude has the tendency to expect people to act like he does, so when another child is overly aggressive he just kind of gives a "what the fuck?!" attitude and look at me like "Mom, did you just see that?". We have found the need to work with him on being assertive and not letting other kids push him around (making sure to point out the HUGE difference between aggression and assertion). This is likely a trait he will always have to be aware of and calculate for. If that's the least of his worries I feel pretty good about it. Because frankly, Jude is the type of kid that other people like. By nature, he's a good kid, a kind kid, a smart kid, and a pretty boy (which helps, let's not lie about the issue). He's got the decked stacked in his favor.
I guess... what brings me here...is an attempt to educate and point out societal failures in child rearing, NOT to point out specific faults in people I know. I truly hope no one takes this as such.
Unless I dislike you. Then fuck you, this is very likely about you.
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