Okay, so here's another interesting parenting trap I think many people fall into. Sometimes it's due to belief systems, other times due to how we're taught and therefore how we learn to handle the situation.
Your four year old clenches their fists, puts them stubbornly on their hips, furrows their brow and says "God damn it!" nice and clear. You might try to hide a giggle (I have no idea why but most of us find it funny when a small child swears), you may mentally congratulate them on using it correctly, you might gasp in shock, your ears might burn a little or your cheeks flush with embarrassment. Whatever your initial reaction, you're likely to quickly move to correct the "offensive" language coming from your child's mouth because even if it's not a big deal to you, you are well aware of how society as a whole frowns upon our mini me's talking like sailors. "No, that's a bad word! We don't say that."
For those that know me personally, you know that I talk like a sailor, and so you may be wondering how it is that Jude is walking around NOT dropping f-bombs on a regular basis.
Do I watch my language in front of him?
Nope.
Do I get myself in trouble for using "bad" words.
Nope.
Do I beat him if he uses them?
Nope.
.... what else is there?
First off let me start by saying that I have a firm belief that language is only as powerful as we allow it to be. The meaning attached to words exists because WE brought it into being. I don't believe that cuss words are necessarily "bad" words, and in fact you can turn any word into a cuss word. Just because you choose to swear like an old lady, gosh darn it, doesn't mean that you're not, in fact, swearing. You are. One of the many meanings of swear in the dictionary is to use profane oaths; curse. Also to to use abusive, violent, or blasphemous language against; curse. Saying go screw yourself is the same as saying go fuck yourself if the intent, the feelings behind the sentiment, are the same. Period. You can get all high and mighty on my about this but those are the facts. The only thing I will cede to is the use of God. The reason I say this is because I understand how that is in fact a sacred word to many. Not me personally, but I get that. Doesn't stop me from using it because since it doesn't have that meaning to me it honestly doesn't hold as much weight, oath wise, as it would if I did. Think about that for a second, it'll click. I do try not to use it in front of those that do care about that one though, I try to be respectful, even if I sometimes fail.
Okay, now, I also try to watch my language in front of other people's kids... at least in situations that are personal i.e. play dates, birthday parties, etc. The reason being again, respect. I don't do this in public in general because frankly I'm simply not paying that much attention to perfect strangers, besides which, the kids have got to be exposed a little, right?
Anyway, so how is Jude not a serious offender by now, seeing as how he picks up language like dress pants pick up dog hair? It's simple.
Know how when you drink (for those that do) in front of your kid and they ask what it is and you tell them it's beer, or wine, etc? And they ask for it and you tell them it's an adult drink so they can't have it until they're older?
Same thing.
When Jude repeats a cuss word I simply tell him that that is an adult word and give him something he can use instead. I don't over react, I don't scowl at him or shame him, I keep it cool and say "nope honey, that's an adult word, you need to wait until you're older to use it, but you can say____." He'll repeat back to me the offered replacement and that's that, he's got it.
It's like magic O.O
If you've got a youngin' and you have trouble not shouting out FUCK every time things don't go your way, I highly recommend considering trying this method out. It came about for us simply due to the fact that I got really tired of not being able to use my favorite expletives even when they fit a situation perfectly. Darn it just isn't the same and a good old fashioned Damn it!, and fudge in simply not a fulfilling stand in for Fuck! I need a little meat in my cuss words or I feel malnourished in the communication department.
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