Hey Jude, you'll do...

I don't think I can fully explain the amount of self-satisfaction I have with Jude's name.  I'm so ridiculously glad we decided on it and it fit him.  I love that anytime "Hey Jude" plays I get choked up and feel this immense amount of love for our little guy.  There's just something about that song that strikes a cord, not just in me, but in a lot of people.  It's one of those songs that everyone seems to know the words for and loves.  It's pretty awesome that when Jude hears it he asks me why they're singing about him.  I get to tell him it's because he's special.  Of course he'll only believe that for so long, but I'll continue to say it until he tells me otherwise.

Ugly Babies

I can't recall if I've ever talked about this... so forgive if it's a repeat.

So, let's admit it, some babies are just NOT cute.  I've heard the adage that all babies are cute, but really?  I've even known mother's to admit that their babies aren't that cute (typically after they've grown out of the ug and into a better looking child).  I'll admit that one of my first thoughts, after all the "oh, thank God he's healthy!" ones, was "oh good, I got a cute one."  And that's twofold, so don't think it's all about vanity.  Yes, I wanted a cute one so that I had a cute one and everyone would Oooo and Ahhh over him, but there's another reason I was grateful.

Life is easier on you when you're pretty.  Simple.  People are nicer to you.  Jobs are easier to get.  Friendships are easier to start (not necessarily keep, that's where personality comes in), relationships in general.  And if there's anything I don't want for my son is a hard life, so cute makes that less likely to happen.

My MIL's office has an inside joke, since they see babies come in all the time, if it's not cute they say "Oh, now that's a baby!"  I have a tendency to focus on the one trait that sounds out as best.  That may be the eyes, the hair, the dimples, etc.  If you hear me only ever mention how pretty a kids baby blues are... yup, that's because I can't find anything else to compliment without feeling like a liar.  If you don't hear me outright say "she's sooooo cute!" then I don't think she is, or he.  Whatever.

That's not to say ugly babies turn into ugly adults, I've seen it go all ways; ugly to cute, ugly to ugly, cute to ugly, cute to cute.  It's a roll of the dice.  Some features look goofy on a baby but great on an adult.  Never can tell... well... sometimes you can make a good estimate though.

Not all babies are cute!  I hate that parents can't admit this.  My son was cute, but he was also a little goofy cute.  I was okay with that.  He had these ears that I LOVED, like Will Smith ears, but he's since grown into them... mostly :)  But he was still cute.

 

Facts are facts, and not all babies are cute.  Get over it.

Out of Comission

Well, I've had an interesting few weeks.  Being hobbled isn't much fun, not for me, and not for Jude, but I'm so grateful he is the child he is because he's been the best little nurse I could have asked for.  Not to mention that his ability to care for himself in so many ways makes it easier by nature.  My knee has me laid up not able to do much, I have to follow the RICE (rest, ice, compress, elevate) method of treatment in order to let the affected area heal.  It looks like I tore either a ligament or the meniscus, which unless surgery was an option, there's not much you can do for that but let the body heal and trust it to do so effectively.  This also means I get to rehabilitate it once it's healed... fun times!

But Jude has been amazing and if he weren't ahead of the curve I'd be screwed.  He doesn't need me to really do much, physically anyway, so that's been so helpful.  He can pick things up himself, he can dress himself, he can go to the bathroom (although we still have to help with the poo side of things), he can get snacks for himself and has even brought me things when I need them.  He's such a love, and he's been extremely understanding about not being able to go anywhere.  We'd normally get out of the apt a couple of times a week, go to the zoo, the park, etc, but I can't... I feel bad for the monkey but at the same time if I want to ever resume those activities I have to be careful now and let my body heal.  But we still have friends willing to come over and play here, so he's not lonely, just a little cloistered.  Papa gets him out when he gets home though.

One and Only

"Only-One Child: Debunking the Myth"

Not going to say anything more, because the article says it all for me.

Only-children ROCK it.  So STFU.

And.... you're crazy.

Know what I've noticed?  When someone is criticized they have a tendency to cry "jealousy" of the criticizer.  Now, I have great experience with this odd phenomena thanks to my elder brother Shane.  As a child anytime something didn't go his way he would respond in the same delusional defensiveness.  He throw something back at us, tell us we're just jealous, and often spout of  "the truth hurts, don't it!" when we'd deny his claims.  Drove us nuts because Shane was a compulsive liar and we (the whole family) knew it.  The rub here is that Shane is a paranoid schizophrenic.... so what does that tell me about all the other people I run into that use that same line of self-defense?

Yup, pretty much banks them into the "crazy" category for me.  I never assume someone is jealous of me, even though if I compare lives in simple terms I usually come out the better, but perception is key and I can't view my life from theirs.  I can easily pick apart the crazy that is their life, and I can assume a whole ton of things about their personality based on their actions and their own perception of their actions (yeah, THAT can tell you a lot about a person).  But I can't assume jealousy.  I can assume hatred.  Oh, that's an easy one really.  I can assume genuine dislike because ever since I found my voice, I have no problem using it to say the things that everyone else is thinking but doesn't have the balls to say out loud.  I do that a lot.  I get a lot of shit for it, but in the end, I still get respect because you always know where I'm coming from.  I'm not one to hide my feelings, opinions, or the truth.  I can also assume some degree of internalized self-disappointment.  Passive-aggressive responses are almost always made out of fear of actual confrontation and fear of confrontation is usually due to fear of someone poking holes in your argument... which is a hint that you know that something just isn't right with it... isn't right with you... connect those dots.

Playing Catch Up

Whew, I forgot how exhausting it can be getting swept up in someone else's drama.  I'm going along, minding my own business, and then *wham* upside the head with a whole lot of stupid.  It is time to shake off the shit and get back to what's important.

So, Jude is proving to be quite the adept little negotiator.  It's rather annoying but oddly inspiring at the same time.  He's so damn logical that it's hard to argue with him on some matters.  For example he's excellent at stalling.  At bed time he knows exactly which arguments we can't deny, like the potty or sometimes a story... things that are either necessary or that deep down I know are simply good for his soul.  Little stinker.  We run up against the "enough, no more, go to sleep or no ____ tomorrow." pretty much every night now.  I'm not sure if we need to change up the routine or simple stick it out and hope it gets better.

I know I've mentioned this before, but it's such an integral part of who he is I must bring it up on a regular basis; dude is ahead of the curve.  I'm faced with it the most when I see him around other kids his age, or I look at a younger child and realize that at the same age Jude was doing so much more.  I'm not taking credit for this, that's just genetics, he was born lucky on that front.  His manners and such I'll happily take credit for, but the simple fact of intelligence and physical prowess is all him.  I'm going to have to post some fresh video soon of him talking and telling stories.  His grasp of language and even of abstract thought is pretty damn awesome, not to mention entertaining.

What else is going on in our lives?

We're looking at home ownership right now.  That's exciting, and a little daunting.  It will mean a big change for us in certain areas of life... some for the better, some for the... not worse, just not so fun.  It'll be nice to have our own yard, to not share walls or have someone stomping around above us all the time (doing God knows what but I'm pretty sure it involves aerobics and rearranging Tudor style furniture at the same time).  It means getting to paint and decorate how we really want... but it also means caring for everything ourselves.  And out of the two of us, let's just say I'm more handy with the handy work than my dear husband is ;)  But just because I've rewired a kitchen doesn't mean I want to be doing stuff like that for myself... but it's part of the given-n-take of having your own space.  I'm mostly concern with our budget and how it'll be effected than anything else.  Needless to say this is still a bit out time wise, likely closer to the end of this year.

I've been dealing with a minor knee injury.  Well, it's not an injury, it's an exacerbation of a preexisting condition that might possibly be early signs of arthritis.  Yay me!  My family has a history of early onset as it is (my mother actually just had a knee replaced and will have the second one done soon), and I've had joint pain in my knees since high school.  I use to have a lot of people assume "Dancers" knee... I let them believe it, far easier than explaining the truth.  But yeah, it's always given my trouble, often feels like two bouncy balls rubbing together, which doesn't hurt, just feels weird, but the pain does come.  Right now it's laid me up for a couple of days and it's driving my completely bat shit crazy!  I really want to get back out and get active!  Sigh, getting old can suck it.

We are officially getting rid of all the baby stuff.  Yup, no more babies for us.  My sentiments on too many kids have already been expressed, so I'll skip that, but I'll add a few things.  1.  I like that we can give Jude all the extras in life (within reason of course).  I like being able to take him on vacations that don't simply exist of camping in the local state park.  I want him to experience other places, cultures, and another child would greatly diminish the ability to do that due to both money and stress.  2. The thought of paying for one child's schooling is daunting enough and I will not sacrifice what I can give Jude over a selfish need to have another baby.  I want him to have the best that we can offer and banking on other funding is stupid.  3.  I don't want to go through pregnancy and labor again.  Nope, didn't like it.  Hated it for the most part despite having an easy pregnancy... the c-section didn't help my experience any.  4.  I am human.  I am flawed.  I EXPECT to play favorites.  I'm not going to sugar coat that fact.  I know that having another child will alter my relationship with Jude and I don't want it altered.  I would feel guilty if I loved him more over another, and/or I would feel guilty if I loved another more.  You can give me all the lines you want about loving them equal, loving them in different ways, about love expanding... blah, blah, blah.  I am of the personality type that would play favorites.  I know that about myself.  I will not subject either Jude or another child to that flaw in my personality if I can at all help it.

So there you have it.  Updated I think.  All caught up.

Cop Out

I recently saw a post on CM that makes me want to Soap Box it right now.  The post was from a mother of three asking if asking her husband for a nanny was justifiable even though she's a SAHM... really?  Are your children special needs?  Are you %100 without a support group?  More importantly, did someone put a gun to your head and make you have those kids?

This is why it pisses me off, because if you can't handle it, stop having babies!  We all know parenting is hard.  We're faced with it every day.  Ask any friend or relative and they will tell you that being a parent is a full time job.  Actually, it's more than that, it's a FTJ plus OT.  You read it on countless blogs, you see it on talk shows, hell, you watch it on "reality" T.V.  Want to know why Katie of the 8 acts like a psycho bitch?  Because she has 8 fucking kids!  And that's enough to drive any woman a bit bat shit.

If you aren't cut out for taking care of you kids on your own (this does not include those that need childcare because they're working, this is about SAHM primarily, those that only have the job of caring for their children and home), why insist on having the babies?  Because the world does not need more people.  We've got plenty.

Making an active choice to bring children into this world means that YOU are taking responsibility for their well being.  You're not having them in order to give some young college student the chance to hone their mommy skills, you're vagina isn't offering a public service, it's doing what YOU made it do.  If that college student can take full time classes, get A's in said classes, have a social life, AND care for your kids.... you can care for your kids and clean your damn house without a nanny.

Again, I'm not pretending this is easy.  I only have one child and my home isn't perfect, but it's not a pig sty either.  There may be toys on the floor at any given time but that floor isn't crusted over with food droppings and god knows what else.  Yes, my son probably watches a little too much TV so that I can clean effectively (although recently he's started taking naps again and two hours gives me plenty of time to do some chores), but he's also smart and well socialized.  We do play dates, go for walks, read together.  I'm not perfect by any sense of the word, no one is, but fucking A, a NANNY for a SAHM.

And on that note I have actually been a live-in nanny for a SAHM.  I got the kid up in the morning, feed him, bathed him, so that she could lay around in bed until 11 (mostly because she was up until 3 in the a.m. watching TV).  When we went out to shop I cared for the child, the diapers, the carrying etc.  I had to learn to cook for someone with a gluten allergy and this was in 2001, before all those convenient mixes came out.  Although since then the mother has written a book about the topic (and gained a shit ton of weight).  To this day I firmly believe that she kept me around because a) she had a child for her husband, not because she wanted to be a mother b) and because the expectation of her religion and society told her it's what she should do c) and because she wanted a friend.  Yup, she paid me to take care of her child and provide with her socialization.  She did not need me.  She could have cared for her child all on her own had she actually wanted the SAHM life.

See, that's it right there.  I think that far too many women get into the life because they have been told that that is what they are on this earth to do.  A baby factory.  Their interests should never take them far from the home.  I call serious bull shit on that argument because if it's what you are "meant" to do, then why aren't you able to do it and why the hell don't you enjoy it?  If you don't take pride in your work with your children and home (this includes housekeeping duties), then your argument goes right out the window.

I understand that depression can play a role, but don't tell me that's why your house is trashed.  If you're depressed, and you can admit it, you can fix it.  You can see a doctor, you can go to therapy, you can read some self-help books and you can reach out for help.  Those that blame shit on depression piss me off.  I've been depressed, so don't tell me I can't understand.  You can tell me you're weak and I'm more prone to give you sympathy because at least you're admitting that the problem lies in YOU.

So yeah, that's my Soap Box topic for the day.  I'll stop there or this will lead in to all sorts of potential sub-topics.