Update blah blah blah

I just realized I haven't updated anything recently.  So, Jude is not yet attending school.  I had originally planned to walk him but found out that the street the runs to the school is a pedestrian death trap.  Not cool, so that's out.  The school will not bus him unless he gets an IEP.  I don't know anyone so I can't carpool (although his teacher has been asking around hoping to find someone willing, which is terribly sweet of her).  The only people I know with a car they don't use is... well, let's just say it's use illegally gets in the way of us potentially borrowing it.  More than that I will not say because it'll just lead me on a rant about negative behavior being rewarded and all that jazz.

So we wait for Jude's Chidfind apt on Oct 5th and we're pretty sure he'll qualify for speech.  In fact two of the people that work with the org have asked his Tutu about it and we're happy to hear because they've heard him speak.  He has a lisp mainly.  He's got a fantastic grasp of language though, so fixing that lisp is all he needs.  But that will be our ticket to transportation for him.  Otherwise I wouldn't worry, we'd just work with him at home, and his class has a speech therapist come in once a week anyway.  But we need that bus!

So in the mean time I've been taking Jude to Story Time at the library on Mon's and Play & Learn there on Wed.  He's warming up to it.  I want him to get use to a set schedule and the learning aspect helps too.  He needs to get use to other kids and responding to his teachers.  I'm a tiny bit nervous about how the first week will go when he does start since it won't just be class... the bus is a totally huge deal since he'll have to do two new things without me right off the bat... but that's life.

We've also been trying to connect with families in Gig Harbor in an attempt to make new friends that live on this side of the bridge.  We had one play date Mon and it went really well.  Jude and Caleb hit it off instantly and played hard for two hours.  But other than his mother no one has been very proactive in the groups I've joined, which is sad.  Hopefully another one or two will come out of the woodwork so he can have a variety of playmates.

Common Courtesy

What the hell has happened to us as a culture that we now fail to consider common courtesy?

Do we no longer know what RSVP means?

And when you do respond, hence the R=répondez.... respond.... seriously, if you can give 24 hrs notice to a doctor when you can't show up for an appointment, don't you think that those you care about, your friends and family, don't deserve at least that?  Do I need to start charging when you fail to cancel an RSVP?

Fuck this callous lack of regard for decorum.  Where has our respect gone?

I'm so tired of throwing parties and having a good 40% of those that RSVP NOT show up.

Look, I'm not offended if you don't want to come to my reception, or my son's birthday party, I'm cool, people have lives that don't involve mine.  I GET that.  I'm not a narcissist.  And I'm not going to take it personally if you don't come because you have other things you must attend to... but goodness fucking gracious... DO NOT RSVP if you don't have at least a 90% chance of coming.  And if anything changes in the 48 hours prior, just let me know.  Send me a text, an e-mail, whatever, but just not showing up...?

It makes me like you just a little less each fucking time it happens.  So when it happens repeatedly?  Yeah, I don't like you nearly as much as I did three years ago.

Go it.

Show me a little respect and communicate with me.

Life isn't so busy that you can't take a minute to type a text and hit send.  This isn't the 18th century, you don't have to send a messenger, just a fucking MSG.

Birthdays and School

So Jude turns four tomorrow, has an open house at his new school to meet his teacher and get to know the classroom, and we're hitting the fair.  It's going to be a long day but I'm really looking forward to it.  Jude is excited about school, we had a a moment where he fought the idea, but after explaining to him that everyone goes to school and that his friends are all starting school, and told him about all the fun things he gets to do he started to get excited.  Now he's rearing to go.  We still have to figure out transportation though... they won't bus preschoolers and I don't have a car... and I'd walk it except for about 50% of the walk there are no sidewalks, nothing but a two foot wide unpaved shoulder and a bunch of traffic.  Not going to happen.  So we'll see if I can work that part out.  I've already managed to snag him a scholarship for tuition so maybe I can swing this too.  I'm a pretty dedicated mama.

I want him ready for Kindergarten next year and I know they're going to fight me on it because his birthday is after the cut off date.  But I KNOW they can test him in and I want him tested.  I know he'll suffer if he's held back a year from all his friends simply because his birthday is a few weeks after theirs.  He thrives with older peers, he seeks them out, he doesn't like younger kids and gets frustrated with them easily.  I don't want him to hate school, I want him to be challenged and to enjoy it.  That will not happen if he's made to wait.  I'm hoping that his preschool teacher will see this and help me... most teachers are against early starts though.  I get that as a general rule I just wish they were more open to testing at least.

I'd home-school him only in all honesty I lack the discipline and patience to do it.  I'd do it if I had to, but I'd really rather not.  Besides which I want Jude to experience school with other kids to socialize with, other adults that he has to listen too, a routine that he has to follow laid out by a teacher, not mom.  I think that's important.  He needs to go outside his comfort zone a bit.

Lordy, my little man is growing up!!!  It's crazy.  Where has the time gone.  Everyone tells you it flies by but you never really get that until it happens.  Part of me wants to slow it all down, and part of me is so proud of the person he is becoming that I can't wait to see where life takes him.  It's scary too... scary to know that at some point I won't be there to protect him, to help guide his choices, that I'll have to step back and let him sink or swim hoping that I gave him the skills he needs to succeed.  Watching other parents with grown kids deal with the backlash of unfortunate choices with the raising of their kids... seeing also that sometimes kids are just going to fail because of who they are in spirit.

Well, it's late, I must sleep, big day tomorrow.

Oh you know us women, we just get all emotional over nothing.

I had someone, in reference to my last blog post (actually to a FB post that was sharing that blog post, more specifically), say something that really made me sad.  Rather than tell you, I'll just post a screen capture and you can read it for yourself.  I'll even be nice and blur out his name and icon, 'cause I'm a lady ;)

Don't worry if you have a "WTF did I just read" moment.  I did.  I even re-read it to assure that I wasn't simply sleep deprived (which I am) and sort of mixing things up a bit for my own amusement.  Sadly, that is not the case.  What we have here folks is the "I'm all for women's rights... so long as they're also good for men!" personality type.  These are the ones that might even agree to a woman's right to choose, however, and this is important, so pay close attention, they still see women as SUPPORT for men.  You can read it plainly in his post.  In black and blue.  That man obviously does not view women as persons independent of men, or even an equal half of a whole if you want to go that route.  This is the same type of person that, if not openly,  in his head, likely often finds himself asking the question "well, what was she wearing?" when told some woman was raped.

And the funny thing is, he does a disservice to men everywhere.  In his relatively short statement via that wonderful social networking site FB, with all it's heaps of brilliant minds navigating it, he has managed to claim that men can't function without a woman to provide for...

Uh...

Hey gentlemen, you think that's fair?

I don't.  To claim that a man can't find the drive to become a productive member of society if he doesn't have a family to bring home the bacon for is ridiculous.  It's inane.  It's exactly that kind of thinking that leads to people doing jack shit with their life simply because they can't find "true love" and it's a load of crap.  Every person, regardless of gender, regardless of socioeconomic status, regardless of religion, race, or what team they root for come game time, should be able to find it in themselves to become, if not successful, at least productive without the need of validation from an outmoded ideal.

Sure, racism is taught (I know this sounds like a non-sequitur, but see screen-cap), I don't dispute that, but not talking about it isn't what makes it go away (you idiot), NOT PRACTICING it is.  Not talking about it, not addressing the issue when it's presented (and it always will be, unfortunately, I have very little faith in humanity as a whole), that can be just as harmful.  I don't mean to BE racist yourself, or to use racial slurs, obviously, I mean to educate.  I wouldn't be surprised if that's what mister blurry face was trying to say, but in a world where the typed word is king, you had better learn to proof read your thoughts just a bit more before posting them lest you look like a court jester.  Us writers will pounce all over that shit.

Now, back to the women's rights thing and this jackasses passive misogyny (emosogyny).  "Ooooo, that's a cool word, what does that mean Tiffany?"  Well, he just showed you what it means, but let me go ahead and add a little to it just to make it clear.  Emosogyny is when someone comes across initially as in support of women, but in reality isn't.  It's making comments like this (oh, jokingly, of course):

To quote another blogger (who quoted another blogger):

Passive misogyny (emosogyny) is underestimating and/or stereotyping women based on deeply ingrained cultural stereotypes and ignorance, and then getting defensive when you are called out because you do not consider yourself sexist and you do not like being wrong.

Yup.  And perhaps you'd like an example.  Aside from the typical not allowing a wife to work but rather firmly (but oh so gently) insisting that she stay home, cook, clean, care for the kids etc., despite what the woman may desire (more power to you if that's what you enjoy doing, I'm a SAHM myself at the moment), of course, 'cause that one's too easy.  Let's say you have a daughter.  Let's say this daughter's has nothing but pink everything.  Let's say you never think to allow her to go down the car toy isle at Target because, well, those are boys toys, why would she want those?  Let's say you buy her legos, but oh, you must buy the ones they have in girly colors, or the sets with little girl figures that come with.... hair dryers... yeah.  I loved legos as a little girl.   Know what, the regular colored ones suited me just fine.

This does not mean that you can't allow a little girl to CHOOSE those things for herself.  In studies where both "boy" and "girl" toys were offered collectively to toddlers of varying ages, often they gravitate towards those we consider to be "gender" specific (boys toward trucks, girls toward dolls).  The point is not to push those stereotypes on to our children.  By intentionally (or rather ignorantly) providing your little girl with nothing but baby dolls, toy strollers, fake high heels (which seriously should be banned), and play kitchens, you are telling them that this is all you expect of them.  And maybe they're okay with that, maybe they are just born to be a mommy... but maybe, just maybe, they're not.  Maybe they dream of flying an airplane and see the world, or being a doctor and saving lives, or a lawyer who helps fight for justice, or an archaeologist who gets to explore exotic lands and find wonderful treasures!  Do you want to deny her her dreams?  Do you want to potentially crush your little girls dreams?

I never said, in fact I stated quite the opposite in the blog post that was "shared" in the post blurry face was responding too... which means he didn't read the blog... *sigh* maybe for him ignorance IS bliss.  Anyway, as I said there, I do not think that being a SAHM is shameful.  Quite the opposite, I think it's one of the most rewarding, hardest, scariest, nerve racking, IMPORTANT jobs a woman (or man) can do.  See how I threw in that "man" all sly like.  Yeah, MEN can own that role too, and be damn good at it!  The point is not shaming at all.  The point is allowing a choice and allowing pride in whatever that choice is, and feeling pride for them in their chosen path.  Period.

It may turn out that she rocks the SAHM role, but let her decide that's the role she wants to fill, don't push her into simply because your male ego can't see past her lack of a penis.